Looting the crash site...

Two things!

2011-11-15T18:04:00.000-08:00

1. This is my new favorite band. It's the guy from The Whitest Boy Alive and this side project of his is brilliant. I love it so much.

2. This is what I did instead of studying for my test tomorrow. What the hell is wrong with me?! Look at this wreath though! It's so hilarious!

Objects of my affection

2011-08-18T17:24:00.001-07:00

So, I just decided that this is going to be my new anthem for the next year.

"I remember when, when i first moved here,
a long time ago,
´cause i heard some song i used to hear back then,
a lone time ago.
i remember when, even further back,
in another town,
´cause i saw something written i used to say back then,
hard to comprehend

and the question is, was i more alive
then than i am now?
i happily have to disagree;
i laugh more often now, i cry more often now,
i am more me.

but of cause some days, i just lie around
and hardly exist,
and can´t tell apart what i´m eating
from my hand or my wrist.
´cause flesh is flesh, flesh as flesh as flesh,
the difference is thin.
but life has a certain ability of breathing new
life into me,
so i breathe it in.
it says here we are, and we all are here,
and you still can make sense,
if you just show up and present an honest face,
instead of that grin.

and the other day, this new friend of mine
said something to me
"just because something starts differently,
doesn´t mean it´s worth less."
and i soaked it in, how i soaked it in,
how i soaked it in
and just as to prove how right he was,
then you came.
so i´m gonna give, yes i´m gonna give,
i´m gonna give you a try,
so i´m gonna give, yes i´m gonna give,
i´m gonna give you a try"

Awwwwww YEAH!

2011-07-27T14:02:00.000-07:00

We finally found them! Guess where?! Right here in our local Asian food store!
Screw you Toronto Chinatown!

Adventures in GMO foods!

2011-07-24T19:33:00.000-07:00

Last night, after a hard game of squash (hard because it's SO HOT! and because we haven't played in about two weeks), we did what we often do to reward ourselves for exercising... We go grocery shopping! LobLaws is right across the street from the YMCA, so it's only logical. We came across these things called 'Slimcados'. They are 'organic', 2 for three dollars, and about twice the size of a regular avocado, so obviously, it was quite exciting at first! The sticker on it says "35% fewer calories 50% less fat" - and what's not to love about that, it's "healthier" and bigger!!

So, this evening as I prepared some Mexican foods for dinner, I remember the slimcados on top of the fridge and jumped on the chance to have guacamole in our lives. As I was cutting and mashing them up, I remembered my old friend Stacey telling me she thought avocados tasted like cum. I used to laugh at her because I thought it was such a strange statement, but as I stood there, releasing the juices and odors of the slimcados, all I could smell was semen - and yes, I can absolutely assure you it was in fact the slimcado. There is a time and place for semen, but mashed up in a bowl in the kitchen a fews steps away from being guacamole is not not one of them. No amount of garlic, lemon or salt could take away the smell. It was just nasty and I hope to goodness I am not forever turned off avocados.

Verdict on Slimcados: Unless you love the taste of semen, there is no way in hell you'll like them.

Crazy E

2011-07-23T09:48:00.000-07:00

So, this is a totally random post, but I was editing some photos and I realized how terrible E can be when it comes to making silly faces. I often get blamed for ruining pictures or looking crazy - but E certainly holds his own when it comes to looking nutso... I guess we make a good couple :P

It is hot as balls right now.

2011-07-21T21:20:00.000-07:00

I dont really know where that expression came from, or if it even makes any sense, but saying it feels right when it's 12:30am and +40..

Late last night we returned back to Kingston after our two week vacation to Winnipeg. I love the Megabus because it is cheap and gets us to where we want to go (Toronto/Kingston), but last night I was in the throes of a terrible case of heat-stroke. I was severely dehydrated, with a viscous migraine and I had a breakdown in which I yelled at people simply having a conversation, and then cried for a good half hour. Yea, I was *that* asshole. I, in all my thirty years of knowledge should have known better to wear a hat all day, and HYDRATE myself while I walked around Chinatown looking for those rice paper steam trays that Chris says exist, but dont really exist. When you're obsessed with an idea, it's hard to stop and chug a bottle of water, even if your body is begging for it - because the thrill of shopping is greater than common sense. Yes, the thrill of shopping... Who am I anymore?

We accidentally discovered Kensington Market, which, was filled with many interesting shops and food vendors, one of which was solely a vegetarian restaurant! It was strange to be able to order *anything* on the menu! They had veggie dim sum, sushi, stirfrys, veggie 'ham'... But, unfortunately, it really wasn't all that great. I had a veggie bbq steamed bun and that was delicious, but all together, kind of disappointing. Just because you forfeit meat, doesn't mean you have to forfeit flavor. Regardless though, we drank tons and tons of lime-water and iced tea and enjoyed the air-conditioning before marching back out into the heat.

Previous to all this E had to visit the United Church Archives to look at thesis from 1962 which potentially had a one little paragraph about Marshall Gauvin, E's current thesis subject. He had to pay 38$ for this thesis to be 'shipped' all the way across the city, which I think is just outrageous, but whatever if it helps his paper. The people who work there are mean though, not outright mean, more like a subtle meanness - the stingy, judgy, bossy kind. My point is, people are paying a lot of money to look at the archives, the 'front line' staff of the association should be a LOT more helpful and... Nice. Anyways, I stole two pencils and plan on never returning - so take that United Church, enjoy your 38$. I am also, unjustly, blaming UCA for my heat stroke.

Anyways, today was so gross hot, as I've mentioned earlier, and I was feeling pretty crappy because of my shitty bus ride and such last night, but after a long afternoon nap, E and I went swimming.. On our roof top pool... Twice. No one was there. It was just the two of us. The great thing about the pool is that you can see all of Kingston from a nice floaty advantage. It was so refreshing. We played around and did some laps and stared at the city - a great way to spend an extremely hot day. I guess tomorrow will be much the same. At some point though, I will have to start being productive...

I'm pretty tired actually, I was going to blog about Winnipeg and stuff, but I'm too pooped. Remind me though, I'll get on it.

This is th red red moon over Toronto.

Day 30

2011-04-11T17:17:00.000-07:00

"A picture of someone/something you miss"

Normally, I'd be putting a picture up of my mom or friends back home, but since I will be seeing them in a few days (HOORAYS!!) this last spot is reserved for the Dudecat, who, I miss terribly and still think of all the time.

Day 29

2011-04-11T17:14:00.001-07:00

"A picture that can always make you smile"

Me - Elliot I'm home!
Elliot - Hi Melly! I'm in the bedroom.

I walk in

M - What are you *doing*!?
E - It's a sun tent! Come try it out!
M - Why dont you just go outside?
E - I have so much work to do, I cant.

Day 28

2011-04-11T17:09:00.001-07:00

"A picture of something you're afraid of"

I am terrified of bears. And dinosaurs. But, mostly bears. I dont mind them from a distance, behind a wall - but the thought of walking through the forest only to be surprised by the beast has, on more than one occasion, brought me to tears. Probably irrational, but real to me nonetheless. That being said, I dont want them dead - so please dont kill bears for sport - if that could even be considered a sport. Bear-bating makes me sick to my stomach - and it makes me want to punch you in the face, not you - YOU.

Day 27

2011-04-11T17:07:00.001-07:00

"A picture of yourself and a family member"

NORM! The godfather/second cousin.

Day 26

2011-04-11T17:05:00.000-07:00

"A picture of something/someone that means a lot to you"

This is Mr. Elliot. He means the world to me.

Day 25

2011-04-11T16:56:00.000-07:00

"A picture from your day"

So today, to the cats delight, we purchased a standing fan in preparation for the insanely hot summers here in Kingston. WendyCat & McGurk went crazy - and are still (hours later) playing in the bags/box..

Day 24

2011-04-11T16:37:00.000-07:00

"A picture of something you wish you could change"

There are some major and minor things in this world I wish I could change. Everything from our nation's values towards healthier eating by subsidising the cost of fruit and vegetables so that *everyone* in this country has access to wholesome and affordable foods. I'd abolish Mcdonalds and Walmart and the meat industry. I'd make the whole world vegetarian. I wish I could be living on the top floor of my apartment building, instead of right in the middle. I wish my white cat hadn't died last year. I'd change the way people behave on a sidewalk. I'd change the aggresion drivers have towards cyclists. I'd change daylight savings so that we'd never have to fall back or spring forward ever again, but really, what I wish I could change most is my current location. Kingston.

Day 23

2011-04-09T19:33:00.000-07:00

"A picture of your favorite book"

Day 22

2011-04-09T19:15:00.001-07:00

"A picture of something you wish you were better at"

I seriously wish I were better at talking, articulating, and formulating responses. I often feel like I have insights to contribute to conversations, but lack the ability to properly execute them. It's almost like I have verbal dyslexia mixed with a southern drawl, mild drunkenness and a lack of volume control. It sucks. I am 30 years old for heavens sake! I should be able to talk properly!!

Day 21

2011-04-09T19:03:00.000-07:00

"A picture of something you wish you could forget"

I cannot bring myself to actually post a picture of what I wish I could forget because I know that the second I do an image search on Google, I am either going to vomit or cry - and I dont want to do either. But, I wish I could forget slaughter houses, animal cruelty, and factory farming. I've educated myself enough through books, movies, magazines and photographs to know the unimaginable horrors of the aforementioned. It hurts me physically to think of all the demented, sickening abuse animals have suffered at the hand of man..

Day 20

2011-04-09T18:55:00.000-07:00

"A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel"

I thought about this entry tons. To be honest, there is no where in this world I just *MUST* see. If I dont get to see far-off parts of the world, I likely will not regret it, or feel incomplete. That being said, if the chance arises, I'd love to go to Vietnam. Why? It's pretty, and I love Pho. I think those are pretty good reasons to want to see another country.

Day 19

2011-04-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

"A picture of a letter"

I have seriously been lucky with snail mail since I've moved away. Here are some of the wonderful letters I've received within the last year. THANK YOU FRIENDS! :)

Day 18

2011-04-09T18:38:00.001-07:00

"A picture of your biggest insecurity"

Unfortunately, I have to say that my body is my biggest insecurity. I have many MANY insecurities, but I am pretty sure that the majority of them stem from the way I feel about how I look. I wish I was stronger and more rooted in who I am both physically and emotionally, but until my droopy bits tighten up, I'm afraid I'll never be able to love what I see when I look into a mirror. Isn't that sad? I hate that this is true.

The big 3-0 !

2011-04-09T18:32:00.000-07:00

I haven't been keeping up with the photo challenge because two very good friends mine, and myself, spent six days eating and walking around Montreal in celebration of my thirtieth birthday. BUT! As of right now, I will continue until day 30 is completed!

Day 17

2011-03-30T12:29:00.001-07:00

"A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently"

Last August, the boyfriend and I packed up most of our belongings that we didn't sell and headed out east. It was the first time I've ever lived away from Winnipeg (home) in my adult life. I dreamed about the possibility all the time because I'm like that. I always wonder what it'll be like to be somewhere else.

Well. Here we are in Kingston Ontario and life is much much harder. I guess in some ways it's been positive. I mean, I did get an adventure - not the sort of adventure I was hoping for - but life is about experiences, good and bad, and for now the scale is tilted towards bad - or "less ideal" I suppose.

The good parts are that I get to hang out with Elliot all the time. That is, when he is not buried under books. We've become better friends and after being alone here together for eight months, we've learned how to live better. We've changed our eating habits, our exercise habits, we are more self sufficient than we've ever been - and now we are looking forward to leaving Kingston in the fall and heading somewhere a little bigger and exciting. With all the mistakes we've made here and the learning and growing we've managed to do - we can take on anything, and are more than ready for the next chapter.

Day 16

2011-03-29T05:51:00.000-07:00

"A picture of someone who inspires you"

For today's post, I am going to consider these two a single entity. This is Jonathan Safran Foer and Nicole Krauss. My two favorite authors who, as it turns out happen to be married. Isn't that amazing? These two people with incredible stories inside them have found each other. I can only image the tales they tell their children before bed.

I am inspired by many people, each for different reasons. I wouldn't say that I have a single role model, or idol because there's not one person that has *everything* I find inspiring. For this project I picked them because every time I read their books I am inspired. Inspired to write, inspired to create, inspired to go out into the world and live.

Jonathan Safran Foer took on an admirable cause recently that made me appreciate his genius even more (if that's at all possible). He set out to tackle the meat industry - and by tackle I mean, he had questions that he wanted answered. You have to read Eating Animals to fully understand what I mean, because I am terrible at book reviews - but basically he wanted to know where our meat comes from, what kind of conditions these animals are raised in and exactly *what* is being put inside them.

Anyways, I find that inspiring. also, I think about Leo Gursky and Oskar Schell all the time - and it makes me want to tattoo YES and NO on each palm and head out for adventure...

Day 15

2011-03-28T08:17:00.001-07:00

"A picture of something you want to do before you die"

I'd really like to write a book before I die. Some people want to jump out of airplanes or do a number of adrenaline inducing activities to prove that they're alive - but that's not me. Sure I'd like to empty my puny bank account and travel around the world - but if I dont get to travel, I'm quite ok with that too.

I'd like to write in the style of magic realism. Like Gabriel Garcia Marquez or Nicole Krauss or Elif Shafak. I'd like to write about the impossible and amazing life of Norm Person, I'd like to write about all the interesting and sad things I've seen. I'd like to write a story that maybe one day will be picked up by someone and loved for every single word on every single page. A story that hopefully would inspire someone else to write or do something they've always wanted to do before they die.

Day 14

2011-03-27T14:08:00.001-07:00

"A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without"

Mom. My bestus friend.

Day 13

2011-03-26T12:56:00.000-07:00

"A picture of your favorite band or artist"

It is so hard for me to think of a single favorite band/musician. I'll admit it, I tend to overplay certain bands - that initially I'm in love with - but because of the exposure, end up needing a break from/hating. So, I'm more of a "My favorite in the *moment* is..."

But, that being said, the one I come back to time and time again when I need something comfortable and strange, is Beck. He's genius. Beck is the answer for everything musical - for me. In fact, it's been awhile... I think it's a good Sea Change kind of day..

Day 12

2011-03-25T08:12:00.000-07:00

"A Picture of something you love"

I love hammocking. Summer. Pictures of feet. Reading in hammocks. Being surrounded by other friends in their hammocks. Napping in hammocks. Listening to forest noises and birds from inside the hammock. Basically everything hammock related.

Day 11

2011-03-24T14:55:00.001-07:00

"A picture of something you hate"

This is one of my biggest pet peeves. I dont really think this picture shows exactly what it is about sidewalk hogging that gets to me, so let me explain. I very much dislike - to the point of hating - when people are walking two or three abreast and make absolutely NO EFFORT to move even a little bit - even though you've moved to one side of the walk to show that common courtesy should be extended...

This is a really bad problem here in Kingston. I think it has everything to do with the average age, which is probably about 17/18. The young age and lack of proper parenting, combined with the fact that Kingston is a very rich town, breeding spoiled, self centered and self important mutants makes for a deadly combination of pedestrians. People here lack manners, decency and courtesy.

I go out every day armed with elbows - and I really wish I didn't have to. When we first moved here, we'd always let people go by, either by stepping into the street or someones lawn or stopping completely to allow a gaggle of people pass. Now, we play chicken with them. It's sport. 9 out of 10 times, if you are walking alone and a couple is coming towards you, they most absolutely WILL NOT go single file for easy passing, they will run you off the road if you dont get those elbows out. I have never, anywhere in my life experienced such terrible sidewalk etiquette than here.

*rant off*

Day 10

2011-03-23T06:36:00.000-07:00

"A picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with"

This is my friend Tania. I wouldn't say we do the most f***ed up stuff together, but we have done a lot of both really stupid and really fun interesting things together. From pie fights, to blanket therapy and impromptu cardboard instrument concerts to shots of orange juice. Tania is usually right by my side as we navigate our way to adventure, she's always ready to graffiti random words in various places, or to play the muse to my spur of the moment photo-shoots.

Day 9

2011-03-22T07:38:00.000-07:00

"A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most"

I think the only person who has gotten me through all of life's ups and downs is me myself - but the one person who has always had my back is my Mom. She's always been there to feed me, let me do laundry, or casually had me a 20$ bill for no reason at all. She saves me cross word puzzles, and takes pictures of what she sees during a day, so I dont miss anything. She's the person outside in the middle of the afternoon gathering snow from your yard to enhance her snowman, or feeding birds on her way to work. She is giving and positive and the most wonderful constant in my life :)

Day 8

2011-03-21T13:07:00.000-07:00

"A picture that makes you laugh"

I really couldn't pick just one.

Day 7

2011-03-20T18:48:00.000-07:00

"A picture of your most treasured item"

I tried to pick only one, but I have two equally treasured items.

The first, obviously is my sewing machine - without which I'd be handicapped creatively. I use it almost every day, for various projects. It is one of the best gifts I've ever gotten, Thanks Mom! :)

The second is a tapestry I bought from Ten Thousand Villages. I've had it for about four years now and it's been the backdrop of every living room I've lived in from then until now. What I love most about it is that somebody actually made it with their hands.

Day 6

2011-03-19T11:05:00.000-07:00

"A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day"

"Amelie has a strange feeling of absolute harmony. It's a perfect moment. A soft light, a scent in the air, the quiet murmur of the city. A surge of love, an urge to help mankind overcomes her."

Every time I watch this movie, I feel like I want to be a better person for all of humanity. Even though she's a fictional character, I'd love to trade places with Amelie for a day.

Day 5

2011-03-18T16:55:00.000-07:00

"A picture of your favorite memory"

How do you pick a favorite memory? If you're like me, remembering anything is a challenge, never mind picking a favorite. So, I'm re-interpreting day five as "what are some of your favorite moments" or "When are you at your happiest".

For me, those moments happen in the water. I've always loved swimming. It's hard for me, once I'm in the water, to come out again. The bubbly quiet of the deep is both frightening and soothing and for those few seconds when you're holding your breath underwater, the possibility of growing gills and swimming away seems more realistic than having to resurface for air. It's a timeless, weightless space where imagination and magic meet - and nothing matters but the sound of your own heart beating.

Day 4

2011-03-17T20:05:00.000-07:00

"A picture of how you spent your night"

Yeah, that's right. It's St. Patty's day and Elliot and I spent it sober, in a squash court. I'm pretty sure we had more fun doing this than sitting in a pub - besides, work in the morning calls for a small sense of responsibility..

Day 3

2011-03-16T16:47:00.000-07:00

"A picture of the cast from your favorite show"

No explanation required :)

Day 2

2011-03-15T13:04:00.000-07:00

"A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest"

I picked this picture of Addie and I because I couldn't find one of my Mom and I together (isn't that sad?) And also because Addie and I have known each other for about 25 years.

Day 1

2011-03-14T23:02:00.001-07:00

"A picture of yourself with 10 facts"

1) I try to flex every muscle when I'm in bed. For some reason, it helps me fall asleep
2) I hate wearing socks
3) I am a vegetarian.
4) Most of my childhood memories involve horses. Either riding them, running away from them or feeding them.
5) When I'm really into a book, I have a tendency to not read the last few chapters for months because I dont want the story to end. This makes Elliot crazy.
6) I'm very bad at buying things for myself. I can talk myself out of any purchase - which is mostly a good thing, but sometimes a bad thing.
7) I know just about every Leonard Cohen song off by heart
8) I play Squash.
9) I burn pretty much everything I put in the oven.I call it the Ozubko Curse.
10) Jurassic Park was (so far) the most influential movie of my life.

30 Day photo challenge

2011-03-14T22:52:00.000-07:00

So, miss Stephanie Swain started this project today and I loved the idea of it so much, that I've decided to start my own. I'm going to start off with the premade suggestion for the next 30 days, and then after that, I'm going to continue with it - but in my own way. So, here is it:

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

Day 04 - A picture of your night

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate

Day 12 - A picture of something you love

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity

Day 19 - A picture of a letter

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change

Day 25 - A picture of your day

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member

Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile

Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

Slowly moving forward

2011-01-26T07:58:00.000-08:00

I feel the need to change the first post you see because every time I come here to blog, I get caught up in looking at the picture of my dead cat and it makes me really sad. We still miss him dearly. So, in 'trying to move on' fashion, here is a little montage of my recent trip to Wolfe Island through ice! The video quality is not premium, but you'll get the idea..

The Dudecat

2010-11-23T08:07:00.000-08:00

About a week after we moved to Kingston our cat developed something similar to asthma. With the vet's suggestion we tried some antibiotics but they didn't seem to work. We tried everything else. EVERYTHING that we could possibly try before throwing down over 1000$ to get him checked out.

Dudecat gradually became too ill to groom himself, he couldn't purr anymore, he'd lost his appetite completely and he could barely walk. The severe part of his disintegration happened within a 30 hour period. He started to go downhill very fast.

We took him to the vet again and with heavy heavy boots and hearts, we decided the 'best' option was to have him euthanized. Poor sweet Dudecat. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life and only pet owners who have been in this exact situation know how heartbreaking it is to watch the life of the pet you've loved for years - go.

Rest in peace little DudeCat

Dudecat often looked like he was about to go supernova when he slept in the sun. He enjoyed watching everything from the back of the couch. He was deaf, which made him really stumbley - he loved chasing the laser and rocked at spinning in circles really fast. He slept at the foot of my bed every single night, and never complained about being moved around by restless feets. His hobbies included splashing in the water dish for no apparent reason, staring out the window until I came home from work, gazing at the ceiling hoping to see reflections and eating scalps.

His silent meows and big blue eyes will forever be in my memory - and there will always be an empty space at the foot of my bed for the memory of the Dudecat.

I dislike today very much because...

2010-11-05T15:14:00.000-07:00

a) It's day #2 of the cold drizzly rain from hell.
b) I didn't get to sleep-in
c) I have my period
d) I went on an adventure to find a cute new fall jacket - and ended up with a boy's windbreaker (though, I sorta like it, and I needed a rain jacket anyways).
e) I couldn't eat at a campus restaurant with Elliot, because I'm not a student..
f) I got a cold sore
g) My insole on my left foot came out, and the sock on my right foot kept falling down (you know those kinds) no matter how often I stopped to pull it up - and I ended up throwing it in a garbage can on the street.
h) My umbrella fell apart spectacularly. I didn't know all the fabric could be completely ripped off and whirl down the street on its own. I had to scramble in the intersection to grab it before the cars got too close, and when I bent over to pick it up my MP3 player fell out of my pocket... I was pretty much ready to lie crying in the street.
i) And, to boot, my new BFF stood me up. I haven't met her before, but hopefully might one day...

I dont care if it's only 6:30. I'm going to bed.

Halloween!

2010-11-04T11:15:00.001-07:00

How could you not love Canada?

2010-10-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

Feet Hate

2010-10-17T16:57:00.000-07:00

Stupid feet. Always in the way of falling things.

Today I dropped a muffin pan on my toe. It was a very BIG muffin pan, like a gigantic industrial sized muffin pan. It hurt so much and shocked me so hard, I panicked. I hyperventilated. I cried. I needed to go home.

I didn't know the home line off by heart, and the cell just kept ringing because it's on the fritz and doesn't connect or maybe Elliot was just sleeping - but I could not get a hold of either one of the only two people I know here. It was a frightening feeling.

Let's go back to last night. No one could sleep. We were all restless. I think it was a classic case of knowing you have to be up at some ungodly hour, so you panic about not being able to sleep and then you become painfully aware of *every* passing second.

So, an early morning at the bakery after a restless, uncomfortable horrible night made for a terrible combination. I was not paying attention when I pulled a pan out only to have the one below it drop directly on my big left toe. It instantly turned black and swelled to twice it's size. This is when I felt the very first throb of blood pooling under my nail. I sat hunched over in pain caressing my stupid toe and barely holding my tears in.

I have felt lonely many times since moving here, but this was the first time I felt I was SO ALONE. I had absolutely nobody to call other than Elliot, who wasn't answering the stupid broken phone that probably wasn't even ringing. I couldn't call my mom, or Addie or Tania, my faithful emergency contact, or Wendy or my Oma. None of them could pick my sobbing ass up from work. I was on my own.

I, eventually... Like half an hour later, was offered a ride home. I managed to keep myself 'in' during the long awkward car ride, but the second I saw Elliot running out the door, in a panic, to greet me, I fell apart completely. I'm still not sure what hurt more, my stupid bloody toe or the fact that I have no one here I can count on (other than Elliot and Justin, of course). I miss everyone so very much. I miss knowing that I have friends I can call to come and save me when my stupid toe is throbbing. I miss my community. I miss people who genuinely care about me. I miss people who know me.

I miss you.

Feet Love

2010-10-11T19:15:00.001-07:00

"But I love your feet only because they walked upon the earth and upon the wind and upon the waters, until they found me." — Pablo Neruda

When I got home from work today, I slipped my sore feet out of my flats and noticed a little piece of paper stuck to the bottom of my shoe. I have no idea how it got there or how long it had been there - but there it was. It said "I love you XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX". I dont know what I did to deserve such a lovely little reminder that my feet have been walking the 'right' path - but I am grateful for the small reassuring signs (which probably looked like toilet paper to the passersby) that things are starting to look up.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-10-11T08:38:00.000-07:00

Love,
Melly & Elliot

Jonathan Safran Foer

2010-10-01T07:50:00.000-07:00

After much deliberation about whether to take an impulsive last minute trip to Toronto to see him talk, I booked it to the Kingston bus terminal and made it just in time for the 1pm bus.

I have traveled a lot by myself. I'm comfortable spending time alone, and I certainly enjoy adventure and getting lost and trying to find my way, but for some reason, taking a day trip to Toronto scared the bejebus out of me.

After a much needed pep talk and a pat on the back - I got on the bus.

The second I walked off the bus and into the street, I instantly, for the first time in a very LONG time, felt genuinely lost. Then right out of nowhere, I saw a familiar face. My old friend Corey had come to meet me!

We walked around downtown, catching up on years of distance.

During the walk, cars roared past and the metro below us screeched along the metal tracks - but strangely, people were nice and willing to share the sidewalk and make eye contact and smile and even *talk* to us.

I've been living in Kingston for a few months now and never do people look at you, let alone step aside as you leave a doorway. People here do not want any sort of interaction and will avoid even the possibility of having to say a single word to you - but in Toronto, an unlikely place, people made random jokes or (without us asking) gave us directions or offered to take our pictures.

So, after a quick meal we made it to the lecture hall, sat in the front row and listened to Safran Foer talk. It was such a great talk. He spoke very candidly about sneaking into locked barns and the terror that coursed through him, and how you should carry a water bottle in case you get arrested breaking into said factory 'barn' because if you can prove you were trying to provide the basic needs of an animal, you're exempt from trespassing and breaking and entering. That's just one of the many things he said. Maybe one day I'll tell you everything I can remember, over coffee.

Corey and I had to wait about 30mins in line to meet him and get our books signed, the whole time babbling about all the clever and witty things we were going to say to him to make him laugh or get him discussing with us. The closer we got, the more nervous Corey got - which in turn made me more nervous because I was really counting on him to be the talkative one - so when we finally got up to him, we pretty much just handed over our books, in total silence (LOL) and, eventually tiny insignificant words started to come out of my mouth.

After Corey snapped this picture, JSF said that he's never shown so much teeth in a photograph before and that I brought out that smile. He said it's strange for him to be so hammy. So, of course, the second I got home, I did a general Google images search to find that yes, I have pretty much the smiliest picture of him! Try it! Go see for yourself.

So, I'm super glad I took my waning sense of adventure by the balls and shook the hell out of it. The 3 hour bus ride home at one in the morning beside a group of annoying teenagers and a crying baby, an exceptionally grouchy terminal worker and a sleep deprived, clumsy day at work the next morning was nothing compared to meeting Jonathan Safran Foer and getting lost.

Random pictures

2010-09-08T15:16:00.000-07:00

This is a hall on campus, post madness.

Engineering students. Futuristic purple Orcs.

Just a random moment on campus.

There's nothing I love more than sitting by the lake.

Drunken neighborhood bonfire.

The poi I made.

2010-09-08T15:08:00.000-07:00

I will definitely make them a little different next time!

2010-09-03T22:52:00.000-07:00

I just realized that this is the *only* picture I took while actually on the island! When we go back next week on bikes, I'll be armed and ready with the camera in tow to photograph the beauty!

So, until next week's Wolfe Island pics, here's a teaser I stole from the internets!

Wolfe Island

2010-09-03T22:16:00.000-07:00

Elliot and I have been sort of cabin fevered lately, but for good reason. It's been so BALLS hot here that even walking is difficult. It's like living in a hot yoga room. Laying around in front of fans and reading or playing video games has pretty much been our entire week. Until today!

Today we forced ourselves out of the house and into the streets - and even out of the streets and on to the lake. Yep. We took the bus downtown, walked a few blocks to the Ferry Dock and sailed over to Wolfe Island, about a twenty minute ride away. Which, allowed us a beautiful view of our new homeland from the water.

The island is wind-powered with over 60 giant windmills spread around it's rolling hills. From across the lake you can see almost all of them, but when you're on the island on foot, you can hear their whoooooping noises, but they're very hard to see.

We wandered around the tiny town, found an old canopied graveyard, walked down cedar-lined pathways, and ate veggie burgers at a lake front diner. On our walk we saw a bunch of children in hats and summer dresses playing in a big grassy yard framed with sunflowers, there is something so laid back and wholesome and innocent about the island. I'd love to live there and just commute to Kingston for work or whatever. It would be well worth it. Something to think about, I guess.

Elliot and I have agreed to bring our bikes on the Ferry and explore more of the island in the next couple of weeks. There is so much more to see, and I'm already in love!

2010-09-01T21:26:00.000-07:00

I love having a clothesline... Now to do some laundry!

"i shouldn't expect to live
and i shouldn't expect to die
but i wouldnt mind being beside you, dear
on that laundry line to dry"
-Hawksley

Kingston!

2010-08-26T21:29:00.001-07:00

I think that as long as I live here, I'm going to be quite manic on how I feel about it. I was the same with Winnipeg. I loved and hated it equally. So, naturally it is I who am conflicted and torn inside and it has nothing to do with my surroundings but everything to do with my inner balance.

But, tonight, I may have (albeit temporarily) fallen in love with Kingston and myself. All it took was a good bowl of Pho, an outdoor movie at City Hall, some live music and a meditation on the moon reflected in Lake Ontario.

We live in suburbia, which for me is a new and strange and isolating place where there is a serious lack of culture and box stores reign supreme. Everything seems dead. The neighbors are fairly friendly and our yard is a perfect get-a-way, but it's pretty far from the real heartbeat of the city - which I experienced tonight.

I have come to terms with the fact that I live in a town equivalent to (but smaller than) Brandon. Yes, Brandon. Sounds charming, right? I suppose it is. The problem with Kingston is that it is situated between and not far from major Canadian cities such as Ottawa, Toronto, Montreal... So, because of it's size and proximity to larger more bustling places, Kingston seriously lacks the glue of culture. It's all saved and stored up in the surrounding areas, which are fun to visit - but makes the return a little depressing.

There is not one single gay bar here. Not ONE! The gay community is invited, on Sunday's only, to a local pub, but other than that, there are no locations for education, no drop in centers, community building - nothing. There are a few LGBT groups that hold meetings in local coffee shops, but that isn't everyone's cup of tea. My roommate Justin is gay and I hear him moan and complain about how hard it is to meet a nice gay man in a town where most (if not all) shops display their "gay friendly" rainbow sticker. It makes us wonder if maybe that sticker is the new debit symbol.

And what about artists? There are TWO establishments that teach art classes of various kinds and both are grotesquely over priced and have nothing more than water colors or acrylic classes. What about all the things I want to learn like block prints or silk screening or anything other than painting...

Anyways, I didn't mean for this to turn into a rant, the opposite actually. I was starting to lose faith that I could love this town, until tonight.

The Jazz fest is on, it's call the Limestone City Jazz Fest. And, like Winnipeg there is free music in the street. Also, as we discovered, on Thursday nights City Hall opens it's courtyard and invites the peasants in for a free outdoor movie. Me, Elliot and Justin wandered around, our bellies full of fine Vietnamese cuisine. The streets smelled like beer, cigarettes, mini donuts, wood-fire, popcorn, and the sweetness of a summer coming to an end. It was lovely. So many people were out and about, all types, shapes, sizes - everyone going different directions. I loved it.

I felt, for the first time here, that I was a part of it. Not some observer - but an integral piece . I felt like myself again. I recognized myself in the bustle of the street. That part of me who wants to dance like a crazy person in front of a band I've never heard of in a town where no one knows me, the part that wants to jump naked in the cold dark water, the part that I had put far from thought in order to actually make it here in one piece. Well, I'm here. Now I'm going to let myself unravel into the streets and lives of new people and find those hidden gems. I know they're out there, I just haven't been looking with open eyes.

2010-08-24T22:16:00.001-07:00

It's a full moon tonight, but I haven't really noticed. I hear snores coming from every room and even behind me as a cat drifts off. I feel at home at this late hour when everything is asleep and quiet and calm. It's when the sun comes up that life's anxieties creep in. To cope, I've been embroidering elaborate and monstrous designs on pieces of scrap material. It's helped me to meditate on change and also clear my mind of thought period. Mostly.

Before I began this post I lay reading Elif Shafak's new book The Forty Rules of Love, a novel of Rumi. One of the main characters is the infamous Shams I Tabrizi a wandering dervish who seeks to know Him through the many faces and places of the world - and later would come to teach/be taught by Rumi. I just looked up the Wikipedia page on Shams and found out that he "received the epithet of “the embroiderer” (zarduz) in various biographical accounts". Not that I in any way consider my path or my understanding of The Path similar to that of Shams, but I sure do find it strange that my compulsion to embroider parallels, indirectly, his life.

Last week I struggled with an overwhelming sense of homesickness. The thought of not being there in person for the ones I love was saddening. It's frustrating to be a long-distance friend and daughter and granddaughter. When communicating, it now has to be via computer or telephone, which, is not at all comparable to face to face. I'm getting better. Small bits of encouragement and support and snail mail have been helping me though. I think it's harder for me because there's nothing here for me (yet). I'm not the one doing a Masters. I really have no reasons other than Elliot, and adventure. Two great reasons! But sometimes two frightening reasons. Come September he will be on his own adventure and I will have to find mine.

Dont get me wrong. I am very excited. I am bursting with ideas. Should I learn how to screen print? Or Scuba? Did you know Lake Ontario is home to over 400 shipwrecks and has crystal clear green water *and* has one of the highest rated scuba instruction courses!? I found an English course at Queen's that examines Everything is Illuminated *AND* Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. The local college offers creative writing and freelance writing courses! There are many pubs and restaurants that could use a clumsy waitress like myself. I really have no idea what to do - but at this point, there is everything and possibility. I'm really going to miss having Elliot around, but I'm proud and happy for him as he begins to complete another one of his life goals :-)

So, as I crawl out of the slump I begin to recognize the things that make me happy and the moments that make me feel I belong here. Like crawling into to bed and falling asleep under the arm of someone who loves me very much.

Goodnight

Ottawa

2010-08-21T13:54:00.000-07:00

Wendy is right,

2010-08-19T20:01:00.000-07:00

I haven't been blogging in awhile. Mostly because there's some part of me that thinks this is still just one big vacation and that, in a little while, I'll come home with arms filled with souvenirs for everyone and with stories of all the things I've seen and done. Real life hasn't really started yet. Not until September.

Elliot and I were in Ottawa over the last three days (which I'll write about in the next post), and while laying in my hotel bed last night, I felt really homesick and tired of travel (yes, I cant believe I just stated that...) - but it was confusing because I wasn't sure which home I was sick for. Kingston or Winnipeg?

All day I watched swarms of tourists go in and out of all the same museums and parks and markets I was in - but they had their Moms and sisters and girlfriends with them, and though I have two very amazing and wonderful and inspiring men to spend my days with, I miss my Mom and my girls. I also found myself missing the familiarity of Wendycat's talkative little mews when you ask her a question or Dudecat's snoring at all hours of the day. Between my ladies being in Winnipeg, my cats in Kingston and me in Ottawa - everything felt wrong with the world. I felt lost as I drifted off to sleep.

The feeling of being miss-placed comes and goes like waves. Sometimes I'm excited to start new and try new things and be in a different place, but (hopefully, like anyone who moves away for the first time) I get knocked over with The Missing Emotion.

* * *

As I write this, Justin and Elliot are below me in the basement laughing their heads off while watching anime, Dudecat is snoring peacefully and hogging more than half his side of the bed. The neighbor's wind chime creeps eerily into my bedroom window - but that's all the noise I can hear. I know that when I wake up in the morning, there will be four cats sitting in the hallway staring up at me, waiting for me - or for breakfast, Justin will be eating granola bars and cranberry juice before he goes to work, and Elliot will be in his study looking over the new books that just arrived. Though the routines are new, I find a small comfort in building this life in this house with these boys and cats.. Most of the time.

2010-08-09T12:14:00.000-07:00

2010-08-08T16:01:00.000-07:00

Exhausted. I think everything has finally caught up to us. The last two weeks, the packing and cleaning, the good-byes, the 5 day road trip with cats, the 401, the poor eating, the lack of exercising, the uncertainty, the nerves. Everything. We’ve been ‘home’ for 3 days now and haven’t done much else than grocery shop and sleep and nap and watch tv. Even today, I woke up earlyish, played with the cats, ate breakfast and watched cartoons, but I still feel this heavy blanket on me – like I could go right back to bed easily – and probably will after this entry.

We arrived Friday. Justin had no idea we were coming. Unfortunately for me and my awkward shyness, I relied on email for our correspondence – a method he checks rarely. So, Friday came and we waited on our new front stairs for our new roommate to come home and let us in to our new home... But nothing. I text Addie all my anxieties “He’s changed his mind” or “He hates us” or “Maybe’s he’s really inside just waiting until we leave”. We decide to drive around town for a little bit and wait for him to get home, see the cute note we left him, and call us back.

Now, our first experiences in Kingston weren’t too positive.

Princess Street is pretty much on par with Portage Ave. It stretches from one end of town to the other, leaving lots of room for stupid drivers with their heads up their asses. TWICE within three blocks Kingstonians insisted on almost side-swiping us. It seems that lanes are of no guidance, much like Arlington St. Where no one obeys speed laws or directional signs. We end up right down town, beautiful old brick buildings and big side-by-side houses line the streets. It seems old and full of character, like a whole little city full of Osborne-Village type shops and boutiques and restaurants and bars. Oy Vey. There are so many bars. Though a part of me wishes I was right in the middle of the student ghetto, amongst old couches on the front lawns and heritage buildings with balconies, all minutes away from the lakefront (sigh).. I have a nice house, with a yard and it’s quiet. As much as I love the area and want to be a part of *Kingston*, I get to come home at night and sleep soundly without drunks and loud bass pumping in the street.

After a little drive, we get a hold of Justin and make our way back. He was totally taken off guard – but welcoming nonetheless. We get the cats in, put some food in the oven, and just sit. We shared stories and vodka and got to know each other. I feel really lucky to have such a laid-back and easy going housemate. The house is beautiful. The yard is huge. His cats, Indy and Jazz, love our cats and are persistent in trying to welcome Wendycat and Dudecat. Wendycat and Dudecat fit right in. There’s enough room in the house that all cats (and people, too!) can have their own rooms/space – but all felines seem to actually be getting along...

More later! We haven't really done much, so once we have a chance to explore and learn, I'll write again :-)

Home is where the cats are.

2010-08-05T18:13:00.000-07:00

We've made it to Barrie today!

Last night we we made it to Sault Ste. Marie at about 9pm, made dinner, ate - and passed out. We stayed in a small cabin off the highway that was way over priced and lacking the kind of comfort a road weary traveler craves (ie: big comfy pillows, silence, no bugs or strange smells in the middle of the night) actually, at one point while we were sleeping, the fire detector beeped for no apparent reason.. It was not the greatest night, but there was a bed and a shower and a couch for the cats to shed on and scratch.

Our first stop out of Thunder Bay yesterday morning was an amethyst mine. It was 45 minutes out of town and about 10km up a very steep, sometimes frightening 'mountain'. **By the way, did you know Ontario has mountains? Seriously! I didn't know! I remember it being very hilly and pretty - but I had no recollection that there were actual mountains. I'm in love.** Anyways, we dug our own amethyst out of the earth (as the FB update says)! It was so neat to be walking on giant hills of real, pure, 'fresh' amethyst. At first glance all you saw was granite. Not too terribly exciting, then, when you examine it a little closer, all you see is purple in varying hues. Amazing. Elliot got right into it and we ended up with thousands of tooth-sized shards and a few big pieces. I refrained from supporting the local artisans by not buying anything. It was hard because everything was so beautifully crafted - but reaping the earth ourselves for the purple gem was way more precious.

Today we woke up exhausted and sore and drove for another 6 hours. We got gas on the way out of Sault Ste. Marie and ended up driving to Barrie on one tank - which is great - but terrible when I'd noticed upon arrival at the hotel, that I'd forgotten to put the gas cap back on before paying. I can just imagine the poor cap, like a lost child, waiting at the gas station for it's proper owner/parent to return and claim it. Elliot says "dont worry, they're easily replaceable, everyone does it once in their lives... I haven't though"...

Elliot and I have become closer and even better friends than when we left. We giggle madly - or cry manically (oh wait, that one is just me) together when we're tired, we have secret dance parties at rest stops, we steal away for kisses, and tell each other stories when something strikes our memories. We're patient and forgiving and respectful of each others space and moods. It's really been easy to be together, which is good because, we're kinda suck together for awhile now :P

I got my first taste of a freeway today. It's nothing like a Manitoban highway. It's WAY more terrifying. Millions of lanes and trillions of exits going every which way and zillions of other motorists trying to navigate their ways home or out of town. I almost lost myself.

It's weird to think that as of tomorrow, we'll be home. 'Home'. What does that even mean? When we were at the amethyst mine, I signed the guest book. The name part was easy enough, but when it came to filling in the part where you put your location/home... I drew a blank. After pondering the thought of not *really* having a home anymore, and the idea of being in transition, all I could put was 'homeless'. So, if you go to the Panorama Amethyst Mine in Ontario, and look in their guest book on August 4th 2010, you will see the signature of one homeless Melly Ozubko. As hard and daunting and unfamiliar as this trip has sometimes been, I dont want the journey to end. I have a hard time accepting the fact that somewhere other than Winnipeg, can be home. For four days we've been driving past turn-offs to hundreds of towns, each with their own special landmark, all very easily, and preferably, avoidable. What is going to happen when *our* exit ramp comes? Will I want to keep driving? I struggle with the thought. I used to think that being in transition was a terrible place where nothing was constant and everything changes, but now I'm starting to appreciate it, embrace it. If everything is always changing, there are gazillions of opportunities - but when you're home, you're home. And though it's comfortable, and all your pretty things are about you, it's hard to see that change can be a wondrous thing. Transition is essential to growth, and home is where the cats are, which is right now, for us - a twenty year old Chevy Lumina.

2010-08-05T18:02:00.000-07:00

The start

2010-08-03T18:08:00.000-07:00

*Yawn*

It's been a long haul. I dont remember what compelled me to think that going on a very long road trip with cats was a brilliant idea... It really isn't. It was the only option though, there was no way I'd leave them behind with new owners in a new place. I now debate responsible pet ownership as we drive for 4 hours, taking only small breaks in unfamiliar rest-stops with no comfort or privacy for our little fuzzy friends. They meow for the greater portion of the day and hiss and growl for the rest. They shed like crazy and claw our fingers when we lovingly stick them through the "caves" for quick reassurance. We call them caves because no one likes to be stuck in a cage all day! They do this weird tumble in their caves, Elliot calls it the 'cat in a dryer' rotation. It's like they're throwing themselves in circles, hoping to stop the van or slow it or something, I dont know. Anyways, Elliot and I joke that when we finally reach Kingston we'll be covered in cat hair, peanut butter, blood and cat pee.

Tonight they are (and so will we be) sleeping peacefully in a pet-friendly hotel in Thunder Bay. A nice break from last night. We decided to camp the first night, to save money and have fun in a beautiful part of the Canadian Shield. Aaron provincial park is a big granite outcrop with lake on either side of the road. You can watch the sun set and rise over the lake from your campsite. We didn't bring the air mattress because we are seriously short on space, so we tried to sleep on a tiny piece of foam. It was terrible. Between that, and the drunken Albertan's next door, and the huge and loud thunderstorm that rolled in at about 5am to test the structural integrity of our tent, we had a fairly sleepless night.

We've been listening to The Life of Pi as we drive. Road trips and audio books are the best thing ever! Today we went to Kakabecka falls and walked around a bit. Everything in this part of Ontario is so pretty. Hills, valleys, lakes, rivers, nice highways, no traffic, flowers and big BIG sky. I've loved driving so far. I want to stop and look at every pretty thing, but we'd never get to where we're going. Also, it's been really hard to actually explore things. When the cats are in the van, we dont go far for long - which is good for them, but sucky for us because we know we're missing out on a bunch of amazing hiking trails and scenery.

Tomorrow I'm going to buy lots and lots of amethyst!!! We're heading to the Panorama Amethyst mine and I'm going to dig my own! Mwahahahaha. Madness! MADNESS!

More tomorrow, or the next time we have internets! Pictures to follow.

My one, my precious.

2010-07-27T01:08:00.001-07:00

"It's just a mixture of the humidity and slight dehydration" Chris said as he watched me repeatedly trying to jam my amethyst ring back onto my bloated finger. It's more than that though, or maybe not. I bought the ring at the Fringe Festival nine years ago, a time in my life when I was confused about relationships and friendships and feelings and a had a general lack of purpose, drive, and self esteem. I ate, slept, showered, loved, cried, laughed, worked, created, played, existed and grew into a who I am today while wearing it. It didn't make me - but it was an essential part of me creating this life, and like me, it's not perfect. The stone is scratched and loose from daily use, I considered it a natural part of my finger and often banged it clumsily against things. The silver is bent and misshaped from years of high-fives and sitting on my hands as a flight attendant (in the brace position, of course). After years of being in eachothers' company why would it fall off now?

I'm leaving Winnipeg for awhile. A year, maybe two, maybe three - who knows!? My life is in boxes and strewn about my small, perfectly cozy, soon to be ex-apartment. Everything that defines me is packed away or shared amongst my family and friends for safe keeping. I was standing in the shower contemplating the big move when BANG! The noise of amethyst hitting porcelain snapped me out of trance. It fell right off my finger. I examined the spot on my finger where it once lived only to find an exceptionally white patch of wrinkly flesh. Now what? I pick it up and put it on the shelf to examine further after showering. I feel naked and weightless.

Do I even exist without it? How can I be me without my defining piece of jewelry? I force it back on with minutes and minutes of jigging and maneuvering. It feels weird. What's wrong? I put it on the wrong hand. How did that happen? Already I've lost myself, I cant keep my left and right straight. Days go by, a week - and still I cannot jam it back on to it's proper spot where it should sit royally on it's fleshy digit.

Maybe I'm shedding. Maybe it's my exoskeleton; The whole of my old self entombed in the imperfect little purple gem. If you look inside you can see the time I considered myself emo, or the time I met Hawksley Workman, or when I fell in love with Elliot, or sat on the front steps with my mom or how I melted when Rowan and Sophie said "Auntie Money" for the first time, or when I drank all that wine and fell in the middle of the sidewalk. Everything is in there. So, do I get a new one or patiently force the old one back on? Maybe it just ran out of RAM and needs a good swipe. Maybe it is just dehydration and bloating causing this questioning. Maybe it's brought me as far as it can and needs to be passed on to someone else. Maybe it belongs in Winnipeg and should stay here until I return. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe, like the last nine years of self discovery and creation, it'll find it's own path and become it's own self. Maybe.

Sleeping in and being lazy

2010-07-04T11:52:00.000-07:00

I am officially unemployed. I'm pretty excited, although I already miss having a "regular" sleep schedule. Seems like I go to bed at around 5am and wake up at noon-ish. I used to dream about this and how wonderful it would be but really, I'm a morning person. I like waking up early-ish and feeling somewhat accomplished in the fact that I've had breakfast and showered and sometimes exercised before noon. Instead I am a beer-drinking, barefoot, unemployed slob who does nothing but sleep-in and naps in front of a fan and reads. Actually, it is pretty awesome. Moments and days like this are rare. Considering how chaotic my life is going to be in only a few short weeks, I'm going to soak the lazy up into my skin and exude the sweet stench of summer and beer and lazy and unemployment.

More later on finishing work and Folk Fest!

Define: vacation

2010-02-10T11:34:00.000-08:00

"Leisure time away from work devoted to rest or pleasure."

I almost feel guilty about the leisure time I've been having. In fact, I'm bored. I've been sleeping 10+ hours a night, and even occasionally napping in the afternoon. I've watched Sex and the City seasons 3,5 & 6 - as well as all of Wes Anderson's movies (minus Bottle Rocket, which I'm currently downloading). I also went on a little Drew Barrymore kick and watched Whip it, Riding in Cars with Boys and Never Been Kissed... Pretty much all I do is watch movies. I go to the gym - or at least go for long walks on the river about 5-6 days a week, but that consumes only a small portion of my day. I have WAY too much time on my hands. There's only so much crafting, reading, watching movies and being alone I can stand. I dont know what to do with myself. I dont miss working at all, I just miss having something predetermined to do. When I'm left to my own vices, I just sit - which seems heavenly, I know what the heck am I complaining about!? - but as they say "too much of a good thing"... Something something... I forget.

Anyways, here are a few pictures from the last two weeks. More to come!

This is where I spend the majority of my day.

Sometimes, you just have to lay in a snowbank.

Conquering a -20 stroll on the river.

Making breakfast fun.

Losers doing a crossword puzzle at the bar.

Two awesome people who are in love!

Yep. This pretty much sums my life with Elliot up.

Post-giftings.

2009-12-28T23:53:00.001-08:00

Well, as you can see, everyone got beards and other small handmade trinkets this Christmas. I had lots of fun (and some frustration, of course) making them and though their reception for everyone wasn't as warm as I'd hoped - but they seemed to enjoy them, I'm glad I stood my ground in not buying anything.

Anyways, I'm on "vacation" for the next week, and I'm all crafted out, so I'm not sure I'll have much to blog about for a few days, but we'll see!

Play...Sew... Play... Sew...

2009-12-23T09:55:00.000-08:00

New beginnings - again.

2009-12-19T22:11:00.000-08:00

Hello friends, welcome (back) to the new old blog!

I've been procrastinating on change for quite some time now, but it's finally here. The new coat of paint feels fresh and new - like anything is possible again. The old blog was getting dark and angsty. I'd gotten stuck in a cycle of only writing about the negative experiences in my life, which left me with no room (or desire) to write about the positive - and believe me, there's LOTS of positive! That being said, I'm not entirely sure what kind of blog this is going to be. A personal one for sure - I hope to include some photography, some craftings, foods, personal writings, random quotes, and of course stories from flight level 250. I also hope the inspiration to write doesn't dissipate so quickly this time around - so please leave lots of comments and ideas and share your musings to keep me going!

Christmas is just a few days away and as always, I'm unprepared. This year though, I absolutely refuse to *buy* anything for anyone. I say this every year and end up running to the mall in a last-minute panic of guilt and worry that what I made with my own two hands isn't enough. This year for sure - I'm taking the handmade pledge! This makes everything harder. More fun, but definitely harder. I'll be dreaming up ideas in my sleep tonight and will probably share them with you all *after* X-Mas, so as not to ruin any surprises. However, my Mom and I got together last weekend and baked for two whole days. We even had a sleepover. I loved it, it was one of the coziest and heartwarming-ist events I've had in a very long time and I'm thrilled I got to share it with my Mom! Here's a peak at our deliciousness...